An Autohagiography

Diary of a Fiend

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I just got out of jail..
top hat, ring leader, ariel dehaviland
I was woken up this morning by the police. They found me sleeping in my van. I had a warrant out for my arrest from Berkeley for Tree-sitting a few years ago. This is fucking ridiculous. I have to go to court next month in Berkeley. They let me go, I was lucky. Fuck I feel so fucking raw right now. Everything is so different since I went off those damn psyche meds. Now I actually want to interact with the world & am not living in some shell. God, it's fucking scary though I am not used to all of this it is so overwhelming sometimes. Also life is more fulfilling. I am making bonds with people that I couldn't have done in the past. I am filling up the lonely hole of a life I had before. I was in such a dark space. I am finally coming out into the light. It is like using a muscle you haven't stretched in a long time. This is definitely taking some practice but it feels good. To actually feel anything is so new. I feel like I've just been born or something. I feel fucking panicky but the feelings are real. I feel like I have been in a cave for so long. I have also found my passion & that is for throwing & putting together raves. I want to get really good at it. I am building bonds between people through this experience. I am learning a lot about myself & other people. I finally feel like I have a voice & a purpose. I want to unify good people together & really build a community based upon the principals of love & mutual respect for one another. My greatest desire is to build a solid foundation of people who come together for the right reasons. I want a real artist space where we can all learn from one another. Everyone is special in their own way. You can find the inner beauty in people & bring it out of them. Every man & every woman is a star! I feel like I'm really beginning to understand the principles set down by The Book of the Law & putting them into action. Love is the law, love under will. The will is the hard part. Sometimes will takes a lot of courage & getting past your fears. Pushing past these obsticals makes it all worthwhile though in the end. I can't quit learning & growing at this point. Every day brings a new experience into my life. I open myself to the beauty of the universe. I open myself to the principles which will expand my awareness & make me a better person. Want to come along?


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